A lot has happened since I began writing. I don’t think I could have in any way prepared myself for what the last 8 months has been like. In June Somer’s scan from Duke was absolutely clear. The doctors were amazed by how good Somer was doing. In fact there were several doctors that came down the hall to look at Somer’s scans. They were all coming in the room to congratulate her as if she had something to do with it. Somer would be the first to give all the credit to God. In August Somer began having seizures and these were not the grand mal that she had experienced before. Some of them would mask themselves as brief periods of blindness. This concerned me enough to contact Duke via email. After a brief consulation with the Dr. it was concluded that Somer’s seizures were a result of edema, or swelling and fluid around the brain. Steroids would take care of this and as a way to ease my mind Kara, Somer’s primary care nurse assured me that Somer was fine. The seizures seemed to get better. One morning as I went into Somer’s bedroom to wake her. I was not prepared for what I found. Somer was laying in bed, playing with silly putty, and couldn’t speak. The next few weeks would be the most terrifying of this journey. After 2 days in ICU Somer slowly began to remember. We were scheduled for a trip to Duke ASAP. The worst was confirmed. Somer’s cancer was back. A biopsy would confirm what we already knew. It was GBM. Surgery was scheduled and back home we returned to prepare. Several days went by and Somer slowly began to get worse. I knew there had to be more. Somer’s tumor was very small yet this was the sickest I had seen her. Somer began having seizures almost daily. Dr Reardon called and wanted to order a full spinal scan. We did this at our local hospital and mailed them overnight to Dr. Reardon. Meanwhile Somer slowly got worse. The day of Somer’s scan , her friend Carrie called and was going to come visit . Just about the time Carri got to the house , I saw a personality change come upon Somer, that which I had recognized before. Somer was on the verge of a seizure. My quick reasoning and ability to panick kicked in, I pleaded with Somer to stay focused and not to move. I could tell she thought I was not only a crazy person, but a panicked crazy woman. My instructions were that she was about to have a seizure and I was going to get her medicine. Just as I got down the stairs I heard Carrie, I flung open the door, made a quick announcement that Somer was going into a seizure and instructed Carrie to go upstairs and talk to her. Now what Carrie didn’t realize was that once Somer had the seizures she would lose memory. She didn’t have the foggiest idea who this person was in her bedroom talking her ears off. I later found out that Carrie talked about the weather, old friends new friends….. while Somer just smiled. My quick thinking was to give her a valium to stop the seizure or at least slow it down. Now if 1 worked, 2 would work better. I forgot that I not only had to get Somer to the hospital, but down the stairs and into the car.. Thank the Lord for friends because Carrie was there for me that day. She helped get Somer into the car, we went checked Abbi out of school and were off for what would be a horrible discovery. The MRI revealed the worst. The cancer had spread into the spinal fluid and also to the brain stem. On Sept. 9 Somer woke up very sick. She was thowing up, having constant seizures and nothing would stop them. We would spend the next few days at St. Judes Hospital and eventually say our good byes to Somer who went home to be with Jesus on September 17. It has been 6 months and I still miss her so much. I still want to talk to her, to hug her , to hear her laugh. To hear her sigh and tell me I’m silly.

The next 2 paragraphs were written by Somer:

Seizures are scary so I prayed I would never have another one. To aid me in this was an anti-seizure medication called Tegretol. I was to take it three times a day. When the new semester started I had to reschedule when to take my medication. During one of my Education classes with a strict professor, I suddenly realized it was time to take my Tegretol. I did not want to fall out in the floor and flail around the classroom like I was break-dancing. Nor did I want to walk in front of the professor all the way to the door just to get a sip at the water fountain. Tegretol dissolves the instant it comes in contact with a liquid—especially saliva. So, what could I do? I decided to get the pill out of my purse and chew it up. I thought I was going to throw up that day because it tasted absolutely horrible. It was like picking up a week old piece of banana with flies buzzing around it and chewing it until it was gone. Only now can I laugh about it.

What do you get when you cross a terminally ill cancer patient with a lady who tells you to curse God and die? Give up? You get Job’s wife. The one who should have been encouraging me was doing the opposite. I was feeling proud that I had a good attitude (through the Lord alone) until I went to visit the chaplain of the hospital. "Aren’t you mad at God right now?" She’d ask me. "No", I said. "God didn’t give me cancer. He’s using it for His glory." So, the chaplain tried to tear my confidence in the Lord down again. Her blows just kept coming. I just kept giving God’s word back to her. "You are dealing with this better than anyone that I’ve ever counseled with." She said. I smiled, thinking I was special or should win some kind of prize. But then she said the words I’ll never forget. They stung worse than a honeybee on a hot summer’s day…that concerns me." Thanks a lot, chap. Maybe she surrendered to the Lord after hearing that He should be what concerned her instead of my feelings about cancer. I thought about going back to purposely witness to her. I wasn’t sure what good it would do. I tried once and I didn’t need any more discouragement.

Continuing with Mom's stories

Back to stories. There have been so many memories of friends that have been a blessing to me. One special blessing that was sent my way was from a new friend. Angela Sams was the pastor’s wife and although I had not known her long, Somer had gotten to know her through a work relationship at our church daycare. Somer’s first seizure, as I have told was on a Wed. night during church. Somer was found in the parking lot. Just as Gordon and I reached Somer at the parking lot, she went into a full-blown seizure. Randy Michael a friend ran into the church, with me right behind to summon some help. Angela ran to the church office and called 911. After a couple minutes of checking on Somers condition, I ran back to check on Angela. All I heard was her conversation to the operator. Her answers were short but precise. "Yes, 19yrs old, yes she is still unconscious. The next question, she answered quickly but repeated her answer with no, no I am sure of that. Thinking I knew what the question was, I inquired whether they were asking about Somer being on drugs. Angela’s reply back to me was not only a suprize but a huge blessing. They had ask if Somer might be pregnant. Angela emphatically answered No. Angela had no idea that she had given me such a wonderful blessing. The fact that she had not known Somer that long, however knew her character so well.

Divine appointments have also played a big part in the last few yrs of Somer’s battle. The church we attend at First Baptist Colbert Heights has several nurses as regular attendees.. The night of Somers first seizure two nurses who came to Somer’s aid were Amanda Hill and Tammy Moon. Both were very comforting in not only helping Somer but also talking us through the seizure. After the CT scan revealed the tumor, the next step was to find a neurosurgeon. Our family doctor recommended a local surgeon, Dr. Greg Aderholt. He explained what needed to be done and that it was Somer’s decision whether or not he would be the one to operate. As we began to interview him and talk with him, we told Dr. A how blessed we were that two nurses assisted us at church during Somers seizure. Dr. Adderholt ask what the nurses names were. Tammy Moon is my assistant. She will be in the operating room with me. That was confirmation enough for us. Not only did Tammy help with the surgery, but another church friend who worked at the hospital, went into the operating room and called us every few minutes to let us know what was going on, when they started and how long it would be. There are so many stories as this that I will share later. I think of these such stories as Blessings among the thorns. A rose, as beautiful as it is, has those long prickly thorns that will draw blood. Although Somer’s journey has not been fun, God has sent so many roses to brighten our days.

Miracle flights is another blessing and also a divine appointment. Once /Somer was nearing the end of radiation, she was refered to Duke Medical Center in Durham North Carolina. The journey would take 12 hrs one way. Our doctor had briefly told us about organizations who would fly terminally ill patients to appointments. The only draw back was that they would only fly the patient and one family member, which left either Gordon or myself out as well as Abbi. Gordon and I both needed to talk to the doctor to help Somer make the final decision. Gordon had a visit from church friends one night. He began to share with them his delima of no connections with miracle flight. Elaine Willis quickly replied" Miracle flight is who my brother volunteers for. He owns a plane and flies children to hospitals around the country. There is no doubt in my mind that God arranged for us to meet Gary Jones to fly us to Durham. Of the several organizations that fly terminally ill patients around the country, Miracle Flight was the one that Gordon was strongly drawn to. I have quickly come to realize that God is just as concerned about the small things in our lives as well as those that are large in our eyes.

I’ve learned a lot about how not to panic and how not to be too clingy. I have to remind myself that Somer is a grown woman and I have to give her space. Although I still am mom, I have had to learn new boundaries. Somer and Gordon both know I worry. Somer has not been out in over a yr, however most recently one of her friends from Jr. High ask her to go to a concert in Nashville. While I was thrilled that she is having a chance to go off with friends, there is still the mom in me that is scared for her to go very far away. Here is the great part…..Somer’s friend is a firefighter, and also trained in first aide. So now I will not have to worry. God continues to send people to take care of Somer and yes to ease my anxiety.

In June Somer went to Duke and amazed the doctors with a perfect MRI. Even strangers were coming in the examining room to congratulate Somer,(as if she had something to do with this clear scan). The oohs and aughs echoed through the halls and to Somer’s and Gordons surprise they were all over The scans. One doctor would come in with a question of "Did you hear the good news"? Gordon would reply, "yes, but tell us again"! Weeks went by and God continues to open doors for Somer to sing and tell others what God has done in our lives. Somer began to show subttle signs of problems. The first signs were dismissed as breakthrough seizures and she was put on steroids. Even after losing her vision for a brief moment, the doctors again concluded visual seizures. A few days later headaches and nausea followed by more steroids and other symptoms occurred. After an email to Somer’s primary care nurse, she decided to order an MRI just to calm a worried momma’s fear. Even Kara commented that there was little chance that anything would show up on the scans because in her words " the scans in June were perfect". Unfortunately, a worried momma’s intuitiveness was correct because the results of the MRI showed something suspicious. Still cautious the doctor ordered a PET scan and unfortunately that too showed something to still be there. The next step is a biopsy to be done at Duke to see what this interruption in our celebration is. Even through all the turmoil that we’ve gone through these past few days, God still reminds us in his small voice that He is in control. When the doctor at Duke wanted the PET scan to be done, being from a small town we discovered that the only PET unit available in our area was a mobile unit that was shared by several facilities. The mobile unit only visits the Shoals every 3 weeks and imagine to our surprise the day that the PET scan was ordered , was the very day that the mobile unit was in our town! Wow, Praise God from whom all Blessings Flow!!!! Finally heard from Duke to schedule the biopsy. Unfortunately, the biopsy is going to get into a scheduling problem with Somer’s plan of being in a friends wedding. I suggested Somer should interview Rachaels friends to see if there might be a possible alternate bridesmaid. Of course the one criteria would be that the dress fit her! Sounds like that would work for me.

I know I am blessed and that God will always be with me. However, it is very discouraging and depressing that something else has come back. It is hard after going through such a major physical and spiritual battle to be calm. One part of me feels extremely peaceful. Another part is afraid that this spot will be cancerous. Frankly, I’m tired of cancer. I want to grow up. You know how on TV kids would always be on there saying "When I grow up I want to be a…" Well, I’m twenty-three and still waiting to grow up. I feel that being "grown up" requires that you have something specific to do every day.